I"m Leaving On A Jet Plane...."

Hello everyone! whats new what up!? Just another week in the south... but not for much longer....

 

HARDSHIP... its part of life :D

So heres the low down on all the new stuff. This past week everything seemed to be working against us and we could feel the pressure. We knew that there was something big coming up and the adversary didnt want us to get to it. Long story short our baptism fell through after teaching him for three months. It was the hardest thing for us. We truly went the extra mile to pray for him and help him to recieve an answer that this is the true church of Jesus Christ. And once we knelt and he prayed to ask if the Book Of Mormon was true it came! There was a long pause of silence and then he spoke. Tengo mi respuesta... he said, as to say.. I have the answer. He said how peaceful he felt and how he knew God put the answer in his heart that its true. We were like... finally! he knows and cannot deny that he recieved an answer from his Heavenly Father... He knows that his Father loves him and wants to reach out and communicate with him and now he will desire to be baptized to make the covenant to follow Christ.... well it didnt go quite that way... He said he would like to prepare to be baptized but that he wanted to do some more reading that week. We ended up coming back and we felt very strange teaching him. We felt that he had walls up for the first time with us. Walls that werent breaking down. He was running us in circles of confusing responses that really didnt even make any sense at all and we felt a very bad feeling. We tried explaining the basic principles of the gospel that Faith leads to Repentance and that leads to Baptism and Recieving the Gift of the Holy Ghost so we can follow Jesus Christs exmaple and persevere until the end. We informed him that he was going way off track of what he had come to learn and he didnt even know himself what he was trying to say. He had zero direction or back up of source for the doubts that were coming out. We asked him what had changed after he had recieved an answer from God that this is true. His answer was this... "I cant deny what I felt in my heart when I prayed... I know that The Book of Mormon is true, I know that I feel really good around you missionaries and in your church on Sunday, but I have no desire anymore to be baptized at all. I know that God probably wants me to follow this but im telling you that this just isnt my time to do that." We asked what changed in his heart... he replied, "no, nothing changed in my heart, i know what I felt was good and that it was an answer but...." and then the truth came out... "Ive been reading this book on this hippie guy thats all into science and stuff and I just kinda feel like my life in my life and I should be able to do anything I want and if im a good person, thats sufficient."  Trust me, we went the extra mile with this investigator and nothing else was entering his head. We had a very heavy feeling follow us out of his house and it worried me a little. I was so sad for him that I couldnt stop thinking about all our time and effort preparing him. Our zone has really struggled down here in the south. We have really tried all we know how to do and have gone to God to ask what he needs of us because we are just imperfect missionaries that are striving to do his will but cannot complete it without learning through trial and error. WE HAVENT FAILED.. we have just found a thousand ways that dont work! and there are miracles waiting to happen soon. We just know it. We have prayed fervantly for him though and we know that one day he will be baptized.

 

Miracles

 President Gomez is seriously one of the greatest people in all of my mission. I respect him so much and have a great love for him as a leader of the church. He has truly touched my life with inspiration and I know that God sent me to serve here in his branch to learn from him and express my gratitude for him because he was also struggling a little with feeling a little burdened at times. He was very happy to have us sisters working here with this branch. He was able to meet with us and give me a blessing and I will never forget the words that man spoke.

Lets just say... that Satan has never tried so hard to attack us as he did these last two weeks and pressing forward on through the trial has brought us to recognisze the pure saving love of the Savior. What a contrast it is. Misery vs. Bliss. I will just tell you guys that after I recieved my blessing, some very special things happened that are too sacred to mention through my blog email. I will just tell you that I have such a firm testimony that Christ lives and he manifests his power to us in miraculous ways according to our faith in Him. I was blessed to feel my testimony enlarge a great measure. I testify that I know the Savior knows us by name, individually and knows our thoughts and actions. He is more near to us than we could ever imagine and the Heavens are open to us to speak with our Heavenly Father one on one about our hearts deepest desires and concerns. He comes to us when we are calling on him.

The sacredness of feeling his everlasting love is an unforgettable sceptor of truth and light. I have felt this so profound in my mission.

 

GOODBYE Hna. Milmont...

Sooo this is something a little funny. My companion Hna. Milmont thought she was being transfered to the North. Actually to be honest EVERYONE thought that she was going to be the one to go north... so she ended up telling our whole area goodbye because she wont see them again and she had them all write in her journal and they gave her gifts and hugged her and the tears just kept coming from her eyes with every persons house we went to. We went to say goodbye to Natalia, and she ended up showing us a DVD slideshow that she made of us and our photos together here in the south. Then we all were crying like little sissy la la's because we really felt the difference we made here together. We watched as all the photos faded to the other and the faces of all the people we love so much and we couldnt hold back the emotion. The greatness of the mission captured in picture with these families who have impacted us perhaps more than we have impacted them. Nati said she ended up putting the video on Youtube through her account when we left for our families to see. Im not sure how to find it or if it would have our names or not but you guys can try to find it somehow.

 

Finally... the call we've been waiting for... dun dun dun

... "okay, who am I talking to? Hermana Gillum? Alright so this is the change you guys will be having.."

After clearing all the confusion... the results of our transfer is my lovely companion Hna. Milmont will be recieving a new companion here in Rio Grande in the south tonight or tomorrow. (we do not yet know her name) we will be a trio for this week up until Thursday. Hna. Milmont will be TRAINING HER!!! I will just be here helping them along until Im ready to catch my flight to go back to the North where I will be getting.... MY DAUGHTER! Ill be training this transfer also but in the North! (and we do not know what area ive been called to yet nor do we know my daughters name yet) All we do know so far, is what ive told you. So im very happy for my companion and I because we really worked hard here despite all the hard things that happened and we feel that the Lord has watched us closely and knows what is best for the work. He has called us both to train with all we've got and teach all that we have learned. Im excited. Im going to love my companion and do my best to be all that the Lord expects of me.

 

SIDE NOTES TO THE FAMILY ABOUT SOME THINGS...

 - Michaela THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR YOUR LETTER! thats awesome that you were able to do humanitarian work in India!!!! amazing! miss you!!!

  - "17 miracles" ... Robin, about this movie... yes thank you so much for sending me this movie. We were able to watch it as a zone together on our preparation day and we all loved it! But actually we just found out this morning that we are not able to watch ANY other movies besides the teaching videos. None of us down here in the south seemed to know that. Infact all of our leaders here in the branches were saying how its important for us to watch that movie to remember to keep going in the mission and give it our all but President Gulbrandsen has asked us that we dont watch any other movies in the mission without calling for special permission. So good thing I was able to see it beforehand and the next time will have to be at home. It really made a difference for us though. Thank you so much!

- NEW BABY NEWS!!! ... WOOG im soooooo happy for youuuuuuu! I knew it was a boy because you were feeling all kinds of different feelings that you didnt feel with Hailey and I am so excited for you guys! I told you that he just needed more time to prepare in heaven to finally come down here! Im so happy and cant wait to see the ultrasound pics! Ill think of some names or something but what ever name you guys come up with i know Ill love so congrats woman! Love you tons!

 - Hailey, WOW ANOTHER NEW ADDITION TO THE ANIMAL FARM! I am just loving that miniture horse you guys got hailey! It looks just like the one on "Rob & Big" haha I laughed when I saw the pics because its too funny and too cute with Hailey and her precious little model photos! Shes one lucky little girl! Halloween looked like lots of fun for all of you guys! I loved all of your costumes! Jace looked pretty realistic haha! Loved all of the costumes! you guys are the best. im glad you all dressed up! Way to keep it fun! I was a missionary for Halloween... it wasnt too hard to find the right costume... it wasnt too scary or anything... at least for those that have seen us before... the Jovahs witnesses get a little scared of us though. We just smile really big and wave at them and say hi... and they just walk faster and cross to the other side of the road haha They are funny. For those that know us and what we do, they gave us candy because they knew it was Halloween in our country. They dont celebrate it here much, Thanksgiving (same)

-THANKSGIVING however for us was very wonderful! We are soooo blessed to have Hna. Downs and her amazing cooking here in the South! She made a Thanksgiving dinner for all of our zone and it was BOMB diggity! SO yumm! And we all recorded what we are grateful for and what not. It was fun.

-JOCELYN..... hey baby girl... thats not fun im sorry to hear your "new news" painful yes, but part of life my dear! I have to tell you though... I as your big sister was not wanting to hear that on my mission... haha you need to stay little and not keep growing up so fast! I cant believe you will be 14 after I get home! Your huge now! Im glad you told me though joce, I like that you keep me updated in all of your life still! Love you bug!

-THE PICTURES, thanks mom for all the new pictures of the family at Thanksgiving, looked fun! I cant believe how big Rosannas baby Brooke is!!! She looks like a mini-Rosanna and Branson looks like a mini- Ryan!!!!!! THE KIDS ARE GETTING SO BIG!!! AHHH! cute as ever though! Im going to smother them with kisses when I get home!

- OFFICIAL UPDATE OF COMING HOME, okay so you all have been confused about when Im coming home and some of you have asked if ill be able to make it to some things that are happening in March... heres the sitch...... My time of serving 18 Months is actually up on March 15th... so people have the option to go home a transfer before or transfer after their time depending on when there time is up and different circumstances at home.... I had thought of going home the Transfer of Feb. But at this point in my mission I would rather stay an extra 2 weeks and finish april 1st! (april fools I know but its the truth) So ill be flying into the new airport in St. George or Las Vegas... depending on my mom and the flight booking. Sorry DYLAN I LOVE YOU BUD YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND IM SO PROUD OF YOU THAT YOUR BIG DAY IS COMING UP AND YOU WILL BE GETTING BAPTIZED!!! I WOULD LOVE SO MUCH TO BE THERE BUD BUT YOU WILL HAVE A GREAT EXPERIENCE! I WANT TO SEE ALL OF YOUR PHOTOS WHEN I GET HOME OKAY!!!! 

I love all of you guys (friends) but Ill see you later on, I really dont want anyone else to be at the airport besides mom, joce, Robin, Brooke, Tal, the kids, laura & mike, Cam & hailey, Nikki, Ry, Geral & Rick, the main family, just more personal but we will figure all of that out in another 12 weeks or so... right now im Argentina... and Im lovin it! 

- Mom thanks for the info on school but I need to know that info on the spring semester!!!!! and the dance team stuff!!! its important!!! Thank you!

 

 

WELL... im going to really miss the south... its been an amazing experience all together and im so grateful for the time ive had here, with my amazing comp, with the wonderful Downs, and with all of our converts! I loved the time here and i have not doubt ill love the area im going to and the comp that Im going to be training. Im excited for what ahead! CHRISTMAS is around the corner!!! crazy! Ill be seeing you on skype!

 

keep being kapas I LOVE YOUUUUUU! besitos for you all!!!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Hna. Ashley Ann Gillum

100% focused and happier

Dear EVERYONE that I love, 

SICK AND GRATEFUL

This week I was extremely sick. There was a bad cough going around. Three in our zone had it and lucky me... I caught it too. I was in bed with a 101 fever Monday night until Friday. I could not breath at all. It was miserable. I had like 6 blankets and still felt freezing. It wasnt too fun but my companion is extremely caring & was the best nurse I could ever ask for. Im so grateful for her. You know what, Im actually so grateful for weak moments like that because we can reflect more on the things we are grateful for. I think its awesome when we are struggling or sick, to see the tender mercies of the Lord and all the amazing people that want to help out in all the simple ways they can. The members of our branch knew how bad I was feeling and they brought me food. Let me tell you how grateful we all are to have the best senior couple here in our zone! Hermana and Elder Downs! They are from California and have been here like 9 months or something now. They are so sweet and always take care of us. Hermana Downs brought me some medicine. love her.

SORRY FOR NOT WRITING LAST MONDAY/   OUR INTERVIEWS WITH PRESIDENT GULBRANDSEN

 Sorry for not having enough time to write you all last week again, I actually had a really long email to write President Gulbrandsen and it took up too much time. It was very good that I did though because he came to see us Saturday and we had our interviews with him at 11a.m. in Centro with our Zone. I cannot explain to you guys how lucky we feel to have him as our mission President. Hes seriously the best! I started our interview with hardly any excitement, kind of just feeling like... darn it, I wish I could say ive been doing everything perfectly but I havent been and I need some advice, what else can I do? Ofcourse after our prayer the spirit was present and He told me the best advice that I can possibly apply in my life right now. He also told me to be proud of my progress all this time. I couldnt have understood his council that he gave me if it were 9 months ago. I really feel how much ive changed and im so grateful for my mission. I was so stubborn before and now I see all the wisdom in being teachable and meek and humble. You cant fill a glass thats already full, but you sure can be filled if you choose to be. Anyone in the world can teach you something if you let them. He said hes really proud of my courage to always admit my faults and desire to keep being better than before. I also used to be satisfied with where I was before but now I have this desire to progress in everything. Ive learned that you cant progress without admitting your flaws and things you need to work on. He says Im growing a lot in the mission. It was nice to hear that from him. 

Heres what he said to me: "Hermana Gillum, Im so proud of you and your courage and your progress. Look at you. Look how far you´ve come now. Look at how you listen to the spirit. Now that you are at this point, heres my advice to you from this day forward and forever more, the only thing I think is difficult for you, is to completely leave the past behind. I ask that you do all you can to leave everything thats behind you completely behind you for good and dont ever look back. Because you are now a brand new person and you´re finding yourself. You keep going. You´re doing great. Dont let the past effect you, and let the future unfold when its time. You wont be home until what, Feb? March? so until then, just know that everything at home is in the Lords hands. Right now just keep doing the simple, day to day things neccessary and the things of tomorrow will take care of themselves. The Lord will bless you for it. Keep up the good work. You are a baptizer Hna! And you still have a lot of work to do here okay!" 

This time, coming from him it hit me differently this time and it was good for me. I told him that is all I want to do and im going to do exactly that. President is truly inspired. Having him in the south with us all weekend was comforting. We felt like it was the Buenos Aires mission again haha. Sometimes in the south we feel like our own mission. 

IS THAT MY VOICE? IS THAT MY VOICE?

Saturday I lost my voice completely! My voice is way raspy and I squeak when I talk now and its so funny. But despite the fact that my voice had left, We were still able to really get a lot of work accomplished Saturday and Sunday because we had (stake conference) District Conference with President Gulbrandsen involved in everything. He really dropped the cane on everyone to get to work and do more to increase the converts here. He was only running off of 7 hrs of sleep in the last 3 days and he still did everything he could to enforce the progress. He dropped the cane firmly, but with a lot of love and organized everyone into groups to vote on how everyone should reslove problems in the branches. The bishops finally came to a conclusion and it was a great idea. I think something actually clicked finally for our branch because everyone was alot more excited. I could listen to President speak for hours because his stories are the best. He spoke about the importance of following the promptings of the spirit as quickly as possible before we lose the power to recieve promptings. He said "its this simple, if you are living right, and the spirit puts a feeling or an idea in your heart, you need to follow it. We recieve PROMPtings to PROMPTLY act on them. When the Lord sees that we are trustworthy of his promptings, we recieve even more." He told us a lot of stories to give examples of different situations and different promptings. Things as small as writing or phoning someone that you felt prompted to and havent spoke to in a while. It could answer their prayers. He said that once he had this feeling to call an old professor of his to just tell him how much the Lord loves him and how great he is. Coming to find out that this man was in bad condition and needed to hear this as if it were an answer to his prayers at that time. I really think its the most important thing Ive learned from President and I have done all I can to increase this ability. Im grateful for all I have learned in the mission. We can make a difference in this world. And we can, and we HAVE TO! One step at a time.

THANK YOU FOR THE BDAY/CHRISTMAS PACKAGES EVERYONE!!!

Wow first of all thank you so much! I just barely was able to enjoy my wonderful birthday/christmas package from my vaughn fam and the wonderful Seely´s!!! Robin, Tal, Brooke I love you, you guys are seriously the best and so are all the little ones that putting paintings and pics in there! I have never seen so much stuff in my life! I only was able to take out like three or four things from the box before I started to cry because I cant believe you guys would do all that! Well I CAN believe it because since ive known you, you have always been that way, helping everyone and giving more then neccessary because you guys have the biggest hearts in the world and always want to be involved in the work of the Lord and supporting missionaries! I promise you that I have been sharing all of what I recieved with the less fortunate and they have all been very grateful. Plus the other Elders were pretty happy that they were able to be a part of opening it haha. Ill attach some pics for you to see. The families here never see that kind of stuff so their eyes got all big when I showed them the things you sent for me to share. You guys are so wonderful! THANK YOU!!! and Gavin is SO BIG now what happened!? Hes so handsome! And Hailey and Trey and Dyl and Ki!!! I cant believe it! Robin you are such an amazing support and I love you with all my heart. and thank you for sending me my favorite Red Velvet cake to celebrate. Love the roxy sweater and its very warm. You guys know me so well its scary haha. Sorry I got sent to the south right before recieving it in the mail, but it didnt matter to me, it was still very appreciated! More than I can tell you! I love you all so much!

Also I recieved a package from my friend in Brazil who sent me a new Argentine fútbol jersey with brazilian clothes, braclet, board shorts, and flip flops! I loved it so much thank you! Everything fits great and I loved it but you seriously didnt have to do that. You are so great though for all that you do and thank you so much for such a great birthday gift!

Also my dear friend serving in Chile at the moment sent me a wooden keychain carved with my name in it and I LOVE it! Thank you so much Elder Leaño you´re awesome! 

And my companion Hna. Milmonts amazing mother secretly ending up sending her and I two seperate packages with PEANUT BUTTER and really awesome scrapbooking sharpies that we use to mark our scriptures and write in our journals with! SO SWEET! Thank you so much Gloria you are an amazing woman and I cannot wait to meet you after the mission! 

The thing is, I never ever expected even a card for my birthday you guys!! But I ended up celebrating my birthday with our zone and got a really great birthday card thats like one in a million haha and then I was able to celebrate my birthday with my zone here in the south all over again and you know what... im really glad. This zone here is so much like family its a blast and we are really growing as a team and helping eachother to have success. I never expected to get anything for any birthdays or holidays on the mish so really you guys... thank you so much! It was humbling. 

MY NEW GOALS 

 Alright so I just want all of you to know that this Thanksgiving I have set quite a few goals and one was to finish the Book Of Mormon Challenge and I only have 20 pages left!! woot woot! The Book Of Mormon is so amazing to me every time. This will be my third time reading it all the way through from front to back so Im learning a lot this time around. 

-Another goal that I have is to completely stop writing everybody except my mothers (Vicki and Robin) because its a rule to keep writing our parents but to limit all other emails. I will still have my blog email that you all can read on my blog about our progress I just want you all to understand that I cant be responding to your emails specifically. If you want to send me hand written letters that would be great and I could write you back, but not through emails. Not because I dont love you, because I couldnt do this without your support all this time. its just so that I can really only focus on my mission 100 percent and focus on our investigators because they are the most important at this time. I love all of my other family and friends so much but you guys know that I will see you all soon and be hugging you all at the airport before you know it. Right now I can sacrifice anything and everything that doesnt have to do with my purpose here at this time. So until I get home and I can talk to you in person, Ill only be responding to written letters. 

THIS THANKSGIVING

We have transfers this next coming Monday so we are blessed to be able to spend Thanksgiving at the Downs home where Hna. Downs is cooking us all dinner and we will be signing journals and taking photos because we dont know what changes will be coming until Sunday night. 

I would just like to say, that I am so grateful this Thanksgiving. Thank you for the wonderful people that you are. Thank you for your positivity and your support and love that never fails to comfort me out here in my mission and at home. Im so grateful for my mission. 

A mission IS a sacrafice & in my eyes a great privilege. Forgetting myself for this time as I strictly serve others, has been the best decision of my life. The greatest learning experience and the most full of love. On the days I feel weak and insignificant these angel children flock to my arms and bring tears to my eyes. Its a dream come true to be here doing this. I love obedience, and the blessings that follow it. I love how happy I feel to be confident that the Lord is proud of what Im doing. I love my family and my friends that support me, and those people that have greatly touched my life. And because I love them I will give my whole heart to serving my heavenly father so he might bless those I love according to his will. The other day I was laying on my bed telling my companion who still has a year left in the mission that she needs to make sure she never looks back, but that she takes in every moment of this. I started to cry when I explained the change my mission has brought my life. I cried so much. I told her, "Hermana Milmont, I love you, I thank you for what good you have brought my life. I pray that ive left you with good also that has taught you whats important in the mission. The little things that are so special. I want you to do all you can to never think of home or anyone there. They are all watched over and in the Lords good hands. Your friends will still be there and wont change too much, but you will change more than you can imagine. I want you to think of your wonderful mom and dad, and how much they LOVE you.... then I want you to think of your siblings.... how much THEY love you... now keep that love in your heart and let that push you hard to work and never give up. Now as good as all of them are, not even all their love put together compares to the love of the Savior Jesus Christ. Their love will push you, but His everlasting love will keep you. His pure love will change you for the better. His love will carry you when nothing else seems to be aware of your circumstances. The mission is a time to be wrapped in the arms of His love at all times. That is the greatest feeling in the world. And we are here to bring that greatest love of all to all of Argentina. So trust the Lord, do your part, and the Lord will open the future for you when its time to go home, but to all that you can to feel this love and let it change all your thoughts, your words, your actions, and let it change everything that you are."

I hope that each of you strive to feel this everlasting love and I hope that you truly let it change you for the better. I hope you let it push you to complete your goals, Lift you to higher living, teach you to be humble, and empower you to leave your mark in the world and make a difference for those around you. 

PRAYERS

- We have baptisms coming up! and one this weekend! PLEASE PRAY FOR Cesar Olmedo. He is very special. We know that the Lord sent us to him for a great purpose. we are going to fast for him this Friday and his date is Saturday. Each and every one of your prayers make a huge difference! THANK YOU!

 IM THANKFUL FOR YOU, FOR MY MISSION, & FOR LOVE :D

Is November Here Allready??

Hi loves! Sorry for not being able to write last week. The internet is very limited here in our area and we got ripped off even though the computers were frozen and not working properly so we had to get going. Sorry again. Well as always in the mission, there is always too much to tell you but not enough time. I will sum it all up and tell you that I have learned some amazing life lessons in these last two weeks and ive really grown in my testimony of the Savior. I have been such a clutz lately and been through some physical pain thats not too fun haha. For example, I have a second degree burn down my leg. That was fun! I have been through a lot lately but its all good. Elder Christansen and Hales are great zone leaders and we have learned a lot from them and laughed alot too because they always keep the zone cheery. Once when I was struggling E. Christansen told me to remember Smalls in the movie The Sandlot and how I just need to be patient, put my hand up, and Heavenly Fathers love will hit. It was so funny. He said you just need to imagine yoruself out there, with your dorky little trout hat in left field, and who cares that people are all laughin at you, you just do your part, run your route as you have been and IT WILL HIT!" So Hna. Downs later this past week helped that love of Heavenly Father come. She helped me talk my walls down that I havent fully realized I still had up. I must have have the words: (Id like a pep-talk) stamped on my forehead because just about everyone that we talked to seemed to start in giving me a pep talk and I was like.... am I on some reality t.v. show? haha but it was way good. I recieved a lot of revelation. Its wierd being in the end of the mission. Like one foot at home and one foot in the mission, you miss your fam, but you love these people and dont want to leave them. Its a weird feeling. I love my mission and even though its stressful, I am so emotional thinking about all my experiences and how grateful I am. Theres a great family here, Flia. Herredia and the dad always calls me his daughter. They are super great. I learned a lot about Patience from them this past week, they are a less active family that we are reactivating and they told me a little analogy on patience.

Patience is how we see things clearly... its necessary to achieve our goals. Our goals and dreams are like golden coins. If we image walking with the golden coin and suddenly it falls into a deep pond and we watch it go with anxiousness because we know we need that coin (goal) then its tough to wait... but if we jump in and swim down to it and wrestle in the water the dirt at the bottom will cloud the water and our view. But if we swim back up and WAIT... we will see our goal as it really is again... we will remember just how important it is when we see it shine... and then we will go down to get it with patience and caution... to pick it up and it will surely be ours again. I need to be patient with all the mission work, with my dreams, my goals. I cant have everything right now and without time and hard work. That was a good lesson for me.
We also had a great meeting with our Branch President. He is super inspired. He read my mind. He could feel that I was hiding something behind my smile. He asked me inspired questions and told me that he was so grateful for all my love here that is changing this branch. He asked me if I had even noticed all the good that I do. Long story short... he called me out on all my weaknesses telling me that I was a sponge for everything. I soak up a little of everything around me. Thats why when others hurt, I hurt, and when things dont work out I take the blame. He told me that Heavenly Father wants me to learn from this and learn how to change this mindset that I cannot change anyone or make them accept this gospel. But that I need to accept that others have their agency and the results are not because of me, but just that their hearts are not ready. He knows that my difficult past and dramatic things ive been through have led up to this problem I have. He told me to truly soak up the Atonement each day. To let go of all my pain and continue to leave it behind forever. To teach only by the spirit by having the understanding of justice and mercy. I told him that Im kind of scared to go home to the world again where Im no longer a missionary. He told me, "well hermana, I wont lie to you... its the most difficult time. Its a big change. When I got home, I was happy to see my family, my house, some friends, but after a little I sat there stunned that I was no longer a missionary. I wondered what I was to do and everything I tried to do seemed meaningless. I felt so alone without my companion and the spirit constantly with me. I felt that my other friends expected me to be the same as before the mission and I wasnt. I was a better me. I didnt feel angels walking with me anymore. It is a very lonely realization, but that is why you need to keep studying and working hard and get married so you can always live worthy and stay focused in the world that wants so much to distract you." I was crying thinking of all this. I really love my mission so much.

At the peak of the conversation he asked me a question that seemed to hit me in the chest. He asked me... "Hermana, You are so full of love for everyone... a love that has even changed my life and I am grateful to see. Its inspiring to me. Now if you can think of all the love and absorbtion you have taken up for others and for all the pain and for all the unsolved mysteries and loneliness... you can imagine that you have soaked up so much in your lifetime and in your mission. Hermana... I want you to ponder this... if you are this kind of sponge... can you imagine the sponge that your Savior Jesus Christ is?"

I am pretty sure I used a whole role of toilet paper. Poor president seeing me crying like a baby. The love of the Atonement always comes at different times in the mission but this was a peak of it hitting me hard. I was so filled with love and gratitude!

We dont have many investigators that are sticking with their commitments well... but we have a small few who are doing amazing! we have plans to baptize them this month for thanksgiving! Im excited for our interviews with President, because ive been stretching alot in my testimony and his wisdom really puts things in check for me. We have to go pray for us to find new investigators thats our focus this week! I love you guys you da best!

Happy Birthday comin up mama! Joce looked so cute for halloween! Thanks for the pics. Mom, dance tryouts are in april so can you look up the requirements and any info on the across the floor stuff for me. Thank you! I cant remember what else I needed to tell you but love youuuuuuu chao

love ash