Is November Here Allready??

Hi loves! Sorry for not being able to write last week. The internet is very limited here in our area and we got ripped off even though the computers were frozen and not working properly so we had to get going. Sorry again. Well as always in the mission, there is always too much to tell you but not enough time. I will sum it all up and tell you that I have learned some amazing life lessons in these last two weeks and ive really grown in my testimony of the Savior. I have been such a clutz lately and been through some physical pain thats not too fun haha. For example, I have a second degree burn down my leg. That was fun! I have been through a lot lately but its all good. Elder Christansen and Hales are great zone leaders and we have learned a lot from them and laughed alot too because they always keep the zone cheery. Once when I was struggling E. Christansen told me to remember Smalls in the movie The Sandlot and how I just need to be patient, put my hand up, and Heavenly Fathers love will hit. It was so funny. He said you just need to imagine yoruself out there, with your dorky little trout hat in left field, and who cares that people are all laughin at you, you just do your part, run your route as you have been and IT WILL HIT!" So Hna. Downs later this past week helped that love of Heavenly Father come. She helped me talk my walls down that I havent fully realized I still had up. I must have have the words: (Id like a pep-talk) stamped on my forehead because just about everyone that we talked to seemed to start in giving me a pep talk and I was like.... am I on some reality t.v. show? haha but it was way good. I recieved a lot of revelation. Its wierd being in the end of the mission. Like one foot at home and one foot in the mission, you miss your fam, but you love these people and dont want to leave them. Its a weird feeling. I love my mission and even though its stressful, I am so emotional thinking about all my experiences and how grateful I am. Theres a great family here, Flia. Herredia and the dad always calls me his daughter. They are super great. I learned a lot about Patience from them this past week, they are a less active family that we are reactivating and they told me a little analogy on patience.

Patience is how we see things clearly... its necessary to achieve our goals. Our goals and dreams are like golden coins. If we image walking with the golden coin and suddenly it falls into a deep pond and we watch it go with anxiousness because we know we need that coin (goal) then its tough to wait... but if we jump in and swim down to it and wrestle in the water the dirt at the bottom will cloud the water and our view. But if we swim back up and WAIT... we will see our goal as it really is again... we will remember just how important it is when we see it shine... and then we will go down to get it with patience and caution... to pick it up and it will surely be ours again. I need to be patient with all the mission work, with my dreams, my goals. I cant have everything right now and without time and hard work. That was a good lesson for me.
We also had a great meeting with our Branch President. He is super inspired. He read my mind. He could feel that I was hiding something behind my smile. He asked me inspired questions and told me that he was so grateful for all my love here that is changing this branch. He asked me if I had even noticed all the good that I do. Long story short... he called me out on all my weaknesses telling me that I was a sponge for everything. I soak up a little of everything around me. Thats why when others hurt, I hurt, and when things dont work out I take the blame. He told me that Heavenly Father wants me to learn from this and learn how to change this mindset that I cannot change anyone or make them accept this gospel. But that I need to accept that others have their agency and the results are not because of me, but just that their hearts are not ready. He knows that my difficult past and dramatic things ive been through have led up to this problem I have. He told me to truly soak up the Atonement each day. To let go of all my pain and continue to leave it behind forever. To teach only by the spirit by having the understanding of justice and mercy. I told him that Im kind of scared to go home to the world again where Im no longer a missionary. He told me, "well hermana, I wont lie to you... its the most difficult time. Its a big change. When I got home, I was happy to see my family, my house, some friends, but after a little I sat there stunned that I was no longer a missionary. I wondered what I was to do and everything I tried to do seemed meaningless. I felt so alone without my companion and the spirit constantly with me. I felt that my other friends expected me to be the same as before the mission and I wasnt. I was a better me. I didnt feel angels walking with me anymore. It is a very lonely realization, but that is why you need to keep studying and working hard and get married so you can always live worthy and stay focused in the world that wants so much to distract you." I was crying thinking of all this. I really love my mission so much.

At the peak of the conversation he asked me a question that seemed to hit me in the chest. He asked me... "Hermana, You are so full of love for everyone... a love that has even changed my life and I am grateful to see. Its inspiring to me. Now if you can think of all the love and absorbtion you have taken up for others and for all the pain and for all the unsolved mysteries and loneliness... you can imagine that you have soaked up so much in your lifetime and in your mission. Hermana... I want you to ponder this... if you are this kind of sponge... can you imagine the sponge that your Savior Jesus Christ is?"

I am pretty sure I used a whole role of toilet paper. Poor president seeing me crying like a baby. The love of the Atonement always comes at different times in the mission but this was a peak of it hitting me hard. I was so filled with love and gratitude!

We dont have many investigators that are sticking with their commitments well... but we have a small few who are doing amazing! we have plans to baptize them this month for thanksgiving! Im excited for our interviews with President, because ive been stretching alot in my testimony and his wisdom really puts things in check for me. We have to go pray for us to find new investigators thats our focus this week! I love you guys you da best!

Happy Birthday comin up mama! Joce looked so cute for halloween! Thanks for the pics. Mom, dance tryouts are in april so can you look up the requirements and any info on the across the floor stuff for me. Thank you! I cant remember what else I needed to tell you but love youuuuuuu chao

love ash