Not Much Time

Sorry but today I actually dont know what to write for once and we dont have much time anyways. Not much is new really... other than I dyed my hair a bit darker because one of my comps is a stylist and she wanted to so I said sure. Its still really cold but at least the sky is clear and pretty most days. So this week we had to travel to San Fernando for three seperate days and have a huge Capacitacion meeting for all those newbies that just got to the mission and for all of us closer to the end or inbetween to train and step up our game plan. We recieved new revelation and were enlightened by President Gulbrandsen because he is incredibly inspired bythe sprit and we are learning so much for him. Its obvious why he is our President at this time. Hes one of the strongest people ive ever met. Him and his wife have faced some very difficult times in thier experiences of life and they both come out strong and ready to help others. Before I struggled with trust. I couldnt trust leaders or others at all and during my mission, noticing how ive evolved into a better person with the Lord and the help of my leaders Ive come to trust and to appreciate them greatly. I Love our President and his wife and I am grateful for the time spent in the mission to learn life long lessons from them in the hardest and greatest of times. President was inspired to speak to our mission on the attack of the adversary and how important it is that we are obedient and on guard to keep pressing forward in the work of the Lord. How critical this time is when Satan is probably more angry then ever that we continue to bring so many to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I had a conversation with our President that I will remember for the very rest of my life. I will apply all that he said throughout my life and apply the teachings to my children. We have an incredible ward. They said that they lost trust in past missionaries here in the ward and it took a lot of effort on our part to gain that trust and love back but here we are serving the members and working with them more and more each day. We had a meeting with the bishop and the counselors and leaders of our ward and spoke about all the needs of our investigators... When we told them that our dear family we have just completed does not have a heater or warm water in their shack home... we were overwhelmed with joy to recieve a call the very next day that the ward had gone over to their house to bring them what they need and they are installing a stove and hot water. I couldnt believe the love of the ward! The tough part is getting them to go out on lessons with us because they all work very tough schedules. So we are working with the youth a little more to bring their friends and classmates to the church. We gave one girl 4 book of mormons that she wasnted to give to friends at school and she had told us some great experiences with doing so. I love Urquiza now.. I am just getting used to things and hope to be staying here long enough to finish what we started with these families. We have had several miracles but also several times that were tough. We had to say goodbye to Victor and we love and care about him so much but he doesnt want to progress. He feels that its not neccessary to choose one path to follow... he believes that all of them will lead him to Heavenly Father and all he has to do is believe. He lacks the faith to act and to change. thats the hard part to get him to see. when we said goodbye to him I walked away from his house and tears fell down my face... the hardest thing ive ever witnessed in my mission... is watching people reject a message so priceless and sacred that they never even bother to open and experience. It really hurts when you believe in something so strongly to have someone tell you that its wrong because you know with all your heart that its not wrong. But thats the building of a missionaries faith. Ill never deny what I know to be true and I plan to spend all of my life giving back to my Savior. Just like President has said... "when your heart is broken, shattered, and you feel completely utterly alone... you have never been more close to the feelings of the Savior. Now YOU decide..... You decide to give that broken heart of yours... to Him, to the master of healing. Thats what I did and it has always done a world of good. because He can make a lot more out of you than you can!" 

There are so many distractions that Satan wants us to think about... Ofcourse my distractions are good things such as passing by a baby store and thinking about marriage and kids. (we only teach eternal families EVERY DAY) and wondering about my future family and the joy I have around kids. Thinking about family back home and if my little sister is protected and happy. I have recognized in this time in my mission how much satan slows us down with the simple innocent distractions then he works on us in other ways and wants us to question our standing in the church. I remember when Sheri Dew in the MTC told us.. there are three things Satan will do to destroy you and your mission... get you to: 1) forget you are a child of God 2) forget what the atonement has done for you 3) get you to beleive you cannot recieve revelation and direction from Heavenly Father. Well ive witnessed all three of these in the same time. She was so right! I dont know what else to say this week other then this... My heart did feel broken this week, So many let downs, so many trials, i have struggled, we all have. But now I have chosen to take what my President said and what I know to be true, to change. For the better. To move forward into a new chapter of my mission, and become a changed missionary with greater strength and faith to do the will of the Lord even when it looks impossible. Even when we have had many things fall against us. I choose to change and to have the faith that Moses had while walking in the water up to his head before it actually parted... the faith to move mountains and baptize those brothers and sisters of ours that are ready. Forgetting yourself completely is the hardest task to learn to do but Its the most worth it. Forgetting ourselves literally. Try to go throughout your day and completely forget yourself... when you think "I FEEL" or "I WANT" you are thinking too much about yourself. When you are thinking "I care what others think about ME" you are thinking too much about yourself. Our confidence shines out the best when we know our standing on the side of the Lord and what he thinks of us. To completely forget yourself and to do His will and not yours is a process. We are teaching all of these things also to our investigators who are battling with Satan. Its a blessing to help strengthen eachother and share our testimony. Its this simple... I LOVE MY SAVIOR... I love Him so much and because I love Him I just need to wake up everyday and just get all that He expects done. Just do it because its the right thing to do.This was a great lesson learned. Forgetting yourself and going to work is a walk with the Savior and Lord Jesus Christ. Who else is better to take a walk with. I know of none better then Him.

 

I love you all and hope you remember always your worth

in the eyes of the savior and what Heaven sees in you...

love hermana ashley ann gillum